World's Easiest (Fake) Marzipan

(aw)

Since I was a little kid, I've loved decorating cakes. Mom, as usual, has saved every piece of kitchen hardware she's bought since 1970 and so I grew up using one of those nifty pump action frosting appliers that looks like some sort of victorian medical device.

However, since then, I've grown substantially better at the whole icing thing, but lately I've wanted to expand my horizons to more challenging techniques. Fondants and marzipan being the most obvious choices, I've started experimenting on my own to see what sort of shennanigans I can get into.

Marzipan, traditionally is made from almonds. However, I am unemployed and broke as a joke. Therefore, I have to find new and exciting ways to make things that cost money. Like pounds of almonds. So this is the recipe I came up with. I realize that this is basically a modified fondant. Shut up.

A birthday cake made with fakezipan and painted with food color.

To make your Fakezipan you will need….

• 2 tablespoons shortening
• 1 tablespoon white corn syrup
• 1 tsp vanilla (or almond) flavor extract
• 1/2 a bag of mini marshmallows
• about three cups of powdered sugar

Run the shortening, corn syrup and extract through the mixer very briefly to combine. Gradually mix in powdered sugar. Mix will look like a bunch of powdered sugar in a bowl.

Melt marshmallows in microwave in series of 15 second bursts until melted through. (This usually takes me about 30 seconds total).

Grab a handful of shortening. Seriously. Rub it all over your hands. Don’t ask questions. Just do it.

Add melted marshmallows into bowl of powdered sugar. Now, with your greased hands (see? I have my reasons) knead together the marshmallow and powdered sugar until it forms a glossy ball. If you need to add a little more powdered sugar, do it to it. Mix is ready when it feels like thick playdough.

What it should look like.

Hooray! you made fake marzipan!

To color: break off the amount you need and knead in food coloring until color is blended through.

To store: Roll unused fakezipan into a ball and rub the outside lightly with shortening. Wrap in plastic and keep in the fridge.

If it gets really dried out, knead in a DROP or two of water at a time until mix returns to its normal elasticity.

To make 3-D figures, simply use like clay. Create cute things. Eat them.

Meet Marzi the Penguin.

Marzipan tips:

Don't roll out too thin! At it's thinnest (if you're using for a cake) you want about 1/4 of an inch. Make sure you ice the cake first so the fakezipan has something to stick to. (And make the icing as even as possible. this will help it lay flat and create a clean, non-lumpy look).

Roll out between two pieces of wax paper for easier transference/handling. (Handle as little as possible to get that sexy smooth finish).

Speaking of lumpy: make sure you beat your powdered sugar with a mixer to break up any lumps. And just avoid making this if your kitchen is at all humid because it will save you loads of stress. Lumps of powdered sugar in your fakezipan are just no fun.

I'm just learning, so right now it's a lot of experimentation (and abysmal failures).

That's the best part of new techniques...it's going to be an adventure for a long time.

Hooray!

Update and Bonus Recipe!

Hey guys!
Well---I didn't win. BUT I won the popular vote and got third over all, so thanks for voting. A vote for me is a vote for adventure. and I believe in Harvey Dent!
Also, Jennifer English, who owns this amazing online spice store www.flavorbank.com was so good as to hook all of the competitors up with a 25 dollar gift certificate. Chicka chicka yeah, y'all! (Also go and buy things from her. The selection is kick-ass).

I did cook sunday dinner this week, but I was busy working on turning pineapple and basil into something awesome so I didn't get around to putting it up. Because I am a lazy, lazy blogger.
But here, to appease you and the gods of cookery, is my very own personal recipe for English Roast Potatoes.
And a story.

Last year I spent the semester in England. It was, by far, one of the best experiences of my life. I miss it every day, and I'm not just saying that. there was just something about it. Anyway, the food sucked. Ha. While it is true that England has some of the most amazing restaurants ever, the Edge Hill Caffeteria was not one of these places. However, there was this one dish that I fell in love with, and, by the end of the semester (aside from Yorkie bars--even though they're not for girls)
was living off of. That dish, ladies and gents, is Roast Potatoes.
Crispy (if you do it right), filling, warming and delightful, I am counting down the days until I can go back JUST for some roasties. The other day I was in a Liverpool memory mode and, even though it was July, it was freezing here in Iowa, and this dish worked perfectly to satiate both my heart and hunger.

Anyway, here's the technique that has taken me quite some time to figure out.

Catie's English Roast Potatoes

Preheat your oven to 450 degrees.

1. Wash and chop 8-10 good sized potatoes into chunks, slices, squares, triangles...whatever you want, as long as they are no bigger than 3 inches.

2. Boil a big ass pot of water and, once it boils, add in your taters. Boil for 4-5 minutes. **Don't let potatoes get to soft or they will fall apart** Noob tip! This is called "par boiling".

2.5 While you do this, take a couple large roasting pans (or jelly roll pans, or cake pans...basically any shallow oven proof dish will do) and cover the bottom in about 1/4 inch oil. Place pans in the oven to get the oil nice and warm while your poatoes boil

3. Dump water and return potatoes to pot. Throw 1/2 a cup of oil in the pot, close the lid and shake what your momma gave you to coat the potatoes in oil.

4. Remove pans with oil from the oven BE CAREFUL FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! and place your coated poatoes in the pans. You can crowd them in there, but make sure none are overlapping.

5. Season with sea salt. You can add a mix of garlic, onion, chilli powder and pepper for spicier potatoes. Return to oven and let cook for at least an hour. Turn potatoes with a spoon (or your bare hands if you're into the whole Johnny Tremain thing) every 15 minutes or so.

6. Once cooked, remove from pans right away and sit out on paper towels to drain extra oil. Serve hot and fresh. They don't reheat well.
OM NOM NOM!

Tips: if they aren't getting crispy, cook longer (duh, but make sure you rotate the pans to avoid non-cookery. IE: switch top and bottom pans if you're using two racks and turn them 90 degrees as well every 20 minutes). I will sacrifice the soldiers in the corners to make sure the middle ones get really crispy. But this is also because I have really crappy pans and the oil flows to the corners instead of being flat.

Enjoy your delicious roast potatoes. Tell Liverpool I miss her.